Hello, my lovely friend,
I am so glad you are still here. And today I will write to you about my faith.
In general I am trying to avoid talking about religion. It is hard topic, even if we have different cultures. But as it already has been written, mine is not yours.
Let me confess, officially I am a christian orthodox. But, to be honest, till 18 I have never thought about my faith. About religions as different cultures, philosophy, yes, but I could not imagine that one day I will take the Bible into my own hands.
One my friend has very big faith and she suggested to come to one youth protestants group with her. I said why not. I like science and for me it was an opportunity to get more knowledge in this subject.
But about it later… After 2 years of many questions, trying to understand, to believe, to love God, I could say I do not believe more than before.
Now I will explain, why.
First of all, church. People there are zombienised. ( I am not sure if I can use this word. Does it exist in English in general?) A pastor there has said if you do not believe to God your life means nothing. Everything is simple, right? And people believe to this shit. A few hundred people are sitting there and listening his words. Without trying to ask, to think. If in the Bible is written so, I will do it, – has said one guy.
Okay, I understand, everyone can this as he wants. I just was shocked how easy they believe. I do not know, maybe it is not bad. Even when for me it is so hard. After two years I can say, I hate churches. I have changed many of them. In one to me was told, you have to baptize in our church if you want to be part of it. And it does not matter if I already was baptized.
Secondly, the Bible. Maybe all Christians now will hate me, but ( but they can not as it is written in the Bible) I can not believe to that myths. Yes, maybe a person as Jesus has existed, but have you ever read the Old Testament? No, really, how people can believe to that stories? For me the Bible is like a faith for people, who lived before us. Because they had to have a faith to better life. To life after death. To someone, who will save them.
But I am not theologian. Enough about the Bible. And please, understand me clearly. I am not against Christianity. I envy people, who can believe. I am a person, who is thinking to much and sometimes it works against me.
But that is not all. Now, let’s talk about God. Do you believe, it is old man sitting on the clouds? Really?
Okay, Christians do not say so, but from childhood to us, or at least, to me, people around have said so. You have to be afraid of Him. Do not lie, do not kill, do not steal and bla bla bla… But I have never believed to Him.
So, God. One day he decided to create something. It is like a time does not exist for Him and here is not beginning. But he just made cosmos, galaxies, planets and parallels worlds. Yes, in the Bible is not written so, but how he could create Earth without cosmos? And look at this, from the beginning, which, if to look from God’s side, a time does not exist, he made death… Remember the Bible, it was our choice to be mortal. But stars do not exist forever, also planets, because of the big star called Sun. Our planet will be burned one day… But nowadays it does not make sense… So, my dear friend, forget this shit.
Okay, I am not good in astronomy, but, what I have meant, death was created before the choice of Adam and Ieva.
Yes, God created us, gave to us the choice and has a plan to every one of us. He planned World Wars, suicides, bullying, countled wars declared in His name?… Yes, He gave to us a choice, but he created us. And as a father did He take a responsibility? Okay, fine, forget my growing ego. How can I judge Him? But remember random murders, racism… Fine, you got me… It is our choice… But where is God? He has to be near, but… Nowadays he is silent…
Or God from the Bible was created just for manage control?
Sorry, my friend, but to my mind, it is so.
My faith is not yours… I even could not say, I believe now. But I am trying. I do not believe to the church, to the Bible, to Your God… But I believe to my God. My God is science. Only science, about what we know nothing. Do you remember? Before one hundred years we did not know what is a computer. And now everyone has it at home. Funny, right?
My God is waiting for me. And I will find Him. My God is my future. And I hope he will help to me to help to others. Not to sit in the church and listen how we should live.
My dear friend, sorry, if now you do not think good about me. I am only human as you. I can be right, I can be wrong. Do not be angry.