Category Archives: Life stories

i Do not regret.

Hi, my dear friend,

How are you doing? What have you had for your breakfast today? I am not used to eat in the mornings… But it is not about what I am going to tell you today.

My dear friend, all dreams come true.

Three weeks before I moved to Enschede. I just started my studies in the University of Twente. And what can I say? It is amazing!

Here I bought my first bike. I fall down from it every day, but as I have not had much experience I think everything is going enough good.

Dutch people are wonderful. They are so openly, friendly and helpful that at first I was schocked.

Here we had an integration week called Kick-in days. I made so many photos, but sorry, I am too lazy to upload them here.

The first week of studying is going to finish. We were working with Arduino and tomorrow I have my first test. To be honest, I am scared, but I believe everything will be okay.

This years I decided to change my life and I did it. I do not regret. I am happy.

To come here was the best thing I have done this year.

My dear friend, do not be afraid to change your life. To take a risk. You have only one life. Why you do not live in your dreams?

Next week I will show you some of my photos.)

And I know, I have not written something interesting. I know my thoughts jump too fast. But my blog is just for memories.) And if to be honest, I have to say so many things, but I am not sure, where should I start.

My dear friend, have a good evening.

With love,

Yours Rya

A long time no see

Hi, my dear friend,

Sorry, You have not hear anything from me a long time. To be honest. I was depressed. It was a shit and hard time. I have many problems now. Fucking bipolar disorder.

Now it is summer, but I am feeling so lonely.

Now I am with my brother in the restaurant, but we do not have about what to talk.

Now I am writing this post and I do not know, what I want to say to You.

But I am trying to believe bad days left me.

My dear friend, be near your friends, love your family and remember, they are the most important thing in this life.

With love,

Yours Rya

My little trip or sleeping

Hi, my dear friend,

At this moment I am a little busy and I am sorry for this. But today I only wanted to share with some moments of my travel.

It is only the beginning. If I remember well it was 7 a.m.

It is me. Already in Milan. On the way to the airport Malpensa.

Yes, I am vegan. So, my lunch looked like that. And there you can see my lovely unicorn pillow again.

My flight was at 9 p.m. Yes yes, it is amazing. I know.

And let’s sleep again.

I came back at home. It was only 1 a.m. So, I had to wait for the morning when the bus will come to take me to my city which is 4 hours from airport.

So, let’s sleep again.

It was small trip from Genoa, Italy, to Klaipėda, Lithuania. It took one day, I was very tired, but so happy being at home. It was random photos, I did not think to use them for a blog, so, they are not well. But, I hope, at least you can take fun or remember your trips. My dear friend, it would be nice to hear your stories about travels.

With love,

Yours Rya

Apathy

Hello, my dear friend,

Today is 30th of April. I am sitting in airport and waiting for my flight. Today I come back to Italy. May someone would be happy… But I feel only apathy. Yes, I have a bipolar disorder. It is normal. Today I feel nothing. I want to sit, to drink black coffee, to smoke and to do nothing. I should change my mind, but I like it. I like to feel nothing. It does not hurt. I like, when materialism does not matter for me. Life is easier. I like, when people’s words are not important for me. I can live with my own mind. Today I am without feelings. I am crying somewhere in my heart, but even this does not have meaning for me. Yes… Today I am broken.

My dear friend, it is not normal.

But it is normal for me.

My dear friend, I am not sure, why I am writing it here.

I want to remember. Or to forget? I do not know. As I have said, today I want nothing.

I do not want to eat, to sleep, to meet with people. Only to sit and to think.

About what am I thinking without feelings? About everything. Because now feelings do not disturb to me.

My dear friend, sorry for this boring post.

I hope, you are doing well.

With love,

Yours Rya

My confession. Or a new book?

Hello, my dear friend,

I am not sure if I have said it, but… I just wrote a book. And I hope to publish it one day… It was really hard work and what I can say, if you do not like to write, do not get a pleasure from this, it will be very hard for you. Anyway, you can try. And I will be waiting for your works.

But now I just wanted to share with some thoughts. After this book I began to write my way to the faith and… Of course it is written in my mother tongue, but I have translated a little. So, sorry for my English… Here is my beginning…

Hi, my dear friend,

The clock shows 1:57 a.m. And if you are here, you can see, I am not asleep yet. But now I want to talk about another thing. My lovely friend, take a coffee, sit down and listen. I will tell you my story. Call it my confession. But be silent. No one has to know it.

It happened inadvertently. Or is it exactly what is called destiny? The occasions affecting the future have been planned? Or may is it society’s manipulation? Alexander Dumas had said: When randomness is related to genius activity – this is called destiny. Did you notice this passive manifestation of genius? I do not too. Because I do not believe in destiny. A destiny is a planned thing you cannot change. Control maniac would not like it at all. But I tend to believe that there are no coincidences, as a destiny. There are statistics, probability theory and combinations. In my case, the story-line evolved into one of the possibilities what that led me to a certain way in a certain place. Or may it had to be so? May Plato’s idealism is too abstract? An abstract rationalism? Nowadays I would call Platonism’s limits so. Or may in the current world an absurd rationalism is sought to be returned? But basta questions.

My random acquaintance with one girl has yet been started at school. We both had a deeper course of history. A half year we were learning without knowing about each other ‘s existence. But one day she came, sat down in front of me and after a few minutes turned to me asking if I have taken a book. Finally, we were analyzing mercantilism, imperialism and coming capitalism. Is it not fun? You are reading about Great Depression and Cold War, but with next you sitting neighbor you start to discuss about Christianity. I have to confess, at that time I had no perception about religion. You know, it would be as if you have had a recipe, that would be like an idea, a cake as followers, but you have never thought who was a creator. Because people have enough narrow-minded. If here is a flower, they do not see the roots. Only beauty and colors. And you know, the baker may differ from the recipe creator. A Creator is a founder, and a baker is just a loyal messenger…

Of course, here is not a lot. It is not easy to translate, but I wanted to share with my idea. I wanted to show how narrow-minded I was. How I came to my current mind. And may one day I would translate more, but now it is enough. I am tired.

My dear friend, stay positive. And think more. Read more, learn more… Because you have so many opportunities.

With love,

Yours Rya

Do not be alone

Hello, my dear friend

I do not know about what I could write today… I have many ideas, but I feel melancholy… Today my mood is going down. Have I said I am bipolar?

Bipolar disorder, also, known as manic-depressive illness, is a brain disorder that causes unusual shifts in mood, energy, activity levels, and the ability to carry out day-to-day tasks.

I am scared. Because I am alone. Nobody knows about it. Nobody believed that I have bipolar disorder. Nobody saw my medicines. Yeh, funny, right?

Now I have to motivate myself. I am trying to throw away all toxic thoughts, but… This melancholy does not let me do it.

My family has said every one is depressed. Depression does not exist. Bipolar disorder too. Just I have a great fantasy.

My dear friend, I feel so lonely. I have only myself and my faith… Which is not strong. I am not sure what should I do now. I do not know why I am writing it. I only wanted to say, you are amazing. I want to remind you, do not give up and achieve your dreams.

But today I can not do it… Sorry, my dear friend. It is really hard, but I will try to be normal.

Am I weird? Freak? Every one says so. Just because of my feelings.

You know, no one believes to my feelings.

Sorry for my depression.

Sorry for my feelings, for my freakness, for my words, for myself…

But… My dear friend, do not forget to ask people around you about their feelings. Just do not forget about them. Do not let them be alone. And you, do not be alone.

I am absolutely sure you have many talents and skills. You can use them. You can create, write, sing, draw… You can find yourself and change this world. You can change everything. But start from yourself. From your friends and family. Please, do not forget we are only humans.

With love,

Yours Rya