Apathy

Hello, my dear friend,

Today is 30th of April. I am sitting in airport and waiting for my flight. Today I come back to Italy. May someone would be happy… But I feel only apathy. Yes, I have a bipolar disorder. It is normal. Today I feel nothing. I want to sit, to drink black coffee, to smoke and to do nothing. I should change my mind, but I like it. I like to feel nothing. It does not hurt. I like, when materialism does not matter for me. Life is easier. I like, when people’s words are not important for me. I can live with my own mind. Today I am without feelings. I am crying somewhere in my heart, but even this does not have meaning for me. Yes… Today I am broken.

My dear friend, it is not normal.

But it is normal for me.

My dear friend, I am not sure, why I am writing it here.

I want to remember. Or to forget? I do not know. As I have said, today I want nothing.

I do not want to eat, to sleep, to meet with people. Only to sit and to think.

About what am I thinking without feelings? About everything. Because now feelings do not disturb to me.

My dear friend, sorry for this boring post.

I hope, you are doing well.

With love,

Yours Rya

And sometimes

Hi, my dear friend,

How are you?

About what are you thinking now?

Have you ever noticed, sometimes you are thinking about absurdity?

Sometimes about meaning and importance?

About snowing in summer and raining in winter?

Sometimes about existence and apathy?

Sometimes about your faith and love?

Your individuality and dreams?

Your reality and small world closed from all?

Sometimes about sadness and loneliness?

Sometimes about games, books and movies?

Your friends and family?

Your words for people?

Your pain in the heart?

Sometimes about your problems?

Sometimes about sunny days?

My dear friend, are you thinking about your future?

About your ways and distances?

How often do you think about today?

Not about tomorrow?

Are you thinking, my friend?

With love,

Yours Rya

My new art and logo

Hi, my dear friend,

I have one new for you. Yesterday I decided to create something and now you can find things with my created logo and imagine here:
https://www.redbubble.com/people/chemerovskaya/works/38540444-i-am-bipolar?asc=u

It is not something special, but, I just wanna try to do something good. To try to make this world better and all money, I get, I would like to send to organizations of animals protection.

I do not ask you to do something, but I would like to hear your opinion about this.

And, my dear friend, have a nice day.

With love,

Yours Rya

Mister Greenhat – I chapter

Hi, my dear friend,

I just started my new story telling for kids. And I wanted to share with you. I hope, you like it. I call it Mister Greenhat.

It was snowing. A boy was sitting on asphalt only with one green hat in the hands. His blond hair reached his shoulders. He was without shoes. The boy was shaking with cold. He could not remember the last time he has eaten. He was very hungry, but passers-by did not look at him. Throughout the day he got only some coins. It was not enough even for a piece of bread. But the boy was too polite and kind-hearted for asking more. He believed in people.

While he was crying because of cold, one man came to him and gave the boy a jacket, put in one hand a piece of bread and smiled.

“God is with you, my child,” said a man and turned to go out, but the boy stopped him:

“Wait!”

A man looked at him with interest. The boy took all coins from the green hat and gave to this man saying:

“My mother has said, I need to pay for help.”

A man was surprised hearing it from a child. He did not look like others children of his years. His whole life was visible in his serious blue eyes.

A man sat down on asphalt next to the boy and taking his green hat said:

“I do not need money, but I will take your hat.”

“Why,” a child was a little shocked.

“Because I gave to you what you do not have. So, I also take from you what I have not.”

A man smiled again and asked:

“Do you want to go with me?”

“Where?”

“I will show you the world,” answered and rose to his feet.

“Is it big?”

“You will know, if you go together.”

The boy stood up too asking:

“What is your name?”

A man smiled mysteriously.

“Call me Mister Greenhat. And you, my little wayfarer?”

“I am Isaac.”  

That’s all for today, my friend.

Be happy.

With love,

Yours Rya

WHAT IS YOUR EASTER DIALOGUE WITH GOD?


“I am the resurrection and the life.  Whoever believes in me, though he die, yet shall he live, and everyone who lives and believes in me shall never die. Do you believe this?”

– John 11:25-26

Hello, my dear friend,

Today is Easter. How do you celebrate it? Are you with your family now? Or friends?

But, I wanted to talk about Easter dialogue with God nowadays.

The first time, when Jesus still has not come to save us, Easter was mentioned as Passover in the Jews tradition. They were saved by spirit of God. and for them the mean of this day was freedom.

In front of God a human is a chaos. And He decided to send to us His son for saving our souls from sins, And He has sent Jesus to us, who was as a lamb. He died for our sins, for freedom of our souls. He was suffering long days for forgiveness. But… Do we remember it?

Do we remember, why do we celebrate Easter?

From childhood my family has not talked about God, Jesus, Bible and faith in general. Maybe it is the reason why it is so hard to understand the real sense of this day. Because we are used to celebrate Easter as a tradition, not freedom, saving and forgiveness…

Now I will ask you only one question. What is your dialogue with God today, my dear friend?

Do your friends know the meaning of this celebration? Your children? Your family? Or it is just a day for painting eggs and eating food? Just a tradition? So, how is it?

And I will send to you one problem question – why do you celebrate Easter?

My dear friend, I hope you remember, how our sins were forgiven. How have we gotten this freedom. How our souls were saved. Please, do not forget it and at least say Thank you to Jesus, WHO DIED FOR US. To God, WHO HAS SENT HIS OWN CHILD TO DIE FOR US.

It is not a simple holiday one time per year. It is our freedom, my dear friend. And celebrate it. With your family and friends. And tell to everyone this story. Tell to people real story of this day. Real suffering and forgiveness.

Be happy and happy Easter.

With love,

Yours Rya

Thank you, God

Hi, my dear friend,

Are you ready for Easter? I am not too. Do not worry. But today I only want to say thank you. Thank you, my dear friend, for your nice words, hope and motivation. Thank you for being here, for reading this post. Thank you for your faith. For your love. You can not understand how much you mean for me.

But also I wanted to say thank You, God. Thank You for this amazing day, for Your love, Your trust, Your belief in me. People, You have send to me today. Inspiration, you showed to me. This life, you gave to me. Thank You, my Lord. For everything.

And, my dear friend, as always, be happy.

With love,

Yours Rya

My confession. Or a new book?

Hello, my dear friend,

I am not sure if I have said it, but… I just wrote a book. And I hope to publish it one day… It was really hard work and what I can say, if you do not like to write, do not get a pleasure from this, it will be very hard for you. Anyway, you can try. And I will be waiting for your works.

But now I just wanted to share with some thoughts. After this book I began to write my way to the faith and… Of course it is written in my mother tongue, but I have translated a little. So, sorry for my English… Here is my beginning…

Hi, my dear friend,

The clock shows 1:57 a.m. And if you are here, you can see, I am not asleep yet. But now I want to talk about another thing. My lovely friend, take a coffee, sit down and listen. I will tell you my story. Call it my confession. But be silent. No one has to know it.

It happened inadvertently. Or is it exactly what is called destiny? The occasions affecting the future have been planned? Or may is it society’s manipulation? Alexander Dumas had said: When randomness is related to genius activity – this is called destiny. Did you notice this passive manifestation of genius? I do not too. Because I do not believe in destiny. A destiny is a planned thing you cannot change. Control maniac would not like it at all. But I tend to believe that there are no coincidences, as a destiny. There are statistics, probability theory and combinations. In my case, the story-line evolved into one of the possibilities what that led me to a certain way in a certain place. Or may it had to be so? May Plato’s idealism is too abstract? An abstract rationalism? Nowadays I would call Platonism’s limits so. Or may in the current world an absurd rationalism is sought to be returned? But basta questions.

My random acquaintance with one girl has yet been started at school. We both had a deeper course of history. A half year we were learning without knowing about each other ‘s existence. But one day she came, sat down in front of me and after a few minutes turned to me asking if I have taken a book. Finally, we were analyzing mercantilism, imperialism and coming capitalism. Is it not fun? You are reading about Great Depression and Cold War, but with next you sitting neighbor you start to discuss about Christianity. I have to confess, at that time I had no perception about religion. You know, it would be as if you have had a recipe, that would be like an idea, a cake as followers, but you have never thought who was a creator. Because people have enough narrow-minded. If here is a flower, they do not see the roots. Only beauty and colors. And you know, the baker may differ from the recipe creator. A Creator is a founder, and a baker is just a loyal messenger…

Of course, here is not a lot. It is not easy to translate, but I wanted to share with my idea. I wanted to show how narrow-minded I was. How I came to my current mind. And may one day I would translate more, but now it is enough. I am tired.

My dear friend, stay positive. And think more. Read more, learn more… Because you have so many opportunities.

With love,

Yours Rya

Coffee, sugar and art. Be drama.