Tag Archives: art

Schizophrenia?

‘ – What have you smoked? Are you fine? Whar are you doing with yourself? It is not normal.’

These words I have heard after my the last posted photo. Maybe if I did not change my style people would not ask me these questions. But now everyone thinks I use drugs.

I have to admit, I really smoke weed sometimes. But it is legal in the Netherlands. Therefore, I hate to be addicted to something or someone. My freedom is everything I have and I am not going to destroy it by my hands.

So, what is that? Schizophrenia? As my one friend asked me? Or something else?

Maybe it is only my new style? Have I ever had my own style? I am even not an artist.

I do not know, who I am, but everyone knows. People are so weird. They think, they can teach me. They think, they can change me. But they have no clue, what I have seen. They are living in their pink room without windows and with only one door. They are afraid to open it. They are afraid to go outside. They choose to smile to everyone. To be ‘a good person’. They think others do not see their falsity.

I am cold. But I have reasons for that.

I lost my pink glasses.

It is Saturday.

2020.01.11

The last taken photo.

Destiny?

‘This game is not for scores; it is for the time.’ Words from anime One Outs, I have watched today.

People finish a school for going to the university. They get a degree for finding a job. They work for money, build house for a family. And in the end they forget to live. They waste a time for thinking about material things and lose their bohemia of the soul.

And I am still trying to find myself by writing. Or thinking? What do you want to hear from me? What should I say to you? I am not alone, because loneliness is so deep in my heart that I do not want to feel happiness. Sadness helps me to create a truth. Positive art? Not here. Imagine a warrior living in dystopia, but trying to follow a hedonistic lifestyle. Schizophrenia. He gets crazy and finally kills himself. No one can understand what happened. He was a good husband, a loving father, a faithful friend… He only was born in a wrong place. While Death and Life are playing chess, Destiny is playing with people.

It is Thursday.

2020.01.09