Tag Archives: bipolar disorder

A long time no see

Hi, my dear friend,

Sorry, You have not hear anything from me a long time. To be honest. I was depressed. It was a shit and hard time. I have many problems now. Fucking bipolar disorder.

Now it is summer, but I am feeling so lonely.

Now I am with my brother in the restaurant, but we do not have about what to talk.

Now I am writing this post and I do not know, what I want to say to You.

But I am trying to believe bad days left me.

My dear friend, be near your friends, love your family and remember, they are the most important thing in this life.

With love,

Yours Rya

Apathy

Hello, my dear friend,

Today is 30th of April. I am sitting in airport and waiting for my flight. Today I come back to Italy. May someone would be happy… But I feel only apathy. Yes, I have a bipolar disorder. It is normal. Today I feel nothing. I want to sit, to drink black coffee, to smoke and to do nothing. I should change my mind, but I like it. I like to feel nothing. It does not hurt. I like, when materialism does not matter for me. Life is easier. I like, when people’s words are not important for me. I can live with my own mind. Today I am without feelings. I am crying somewhere in my heart, but even this does not have meaning for me. Yes… Today I am broken.

My dear friend, it is not normal.

But it is normal for me.

My dear friend, I am not sure, why I am writing it here.

I want to remember. Or to forget? I do not know. As I have said, today I want nothing.

I do not want to eat, to sleep, to meet with people. Only to sit and to think.

About what am I thinking without feelings? About everything. Because now feelings do not disturb to me.

My dear friend, sorry for this boring post.

I hope, you are doing well.

With love,

Yours Rya

Do not be alone

Hello, my dear friend

I do not know about what I could write today… I have many ideas, but I feel melancholy… Today my mood is going down. Have I said I am bipolar?

Bipolar disorder, also, known as manic-depressive illness, is a brain disorder that causes unusual shifts in mood, energy, activity levels, and the ability to carry out day-to-day tasks.

I am scared. Because I am alone. Nobody knows about it. Nobody believed that I have bipolar disorder. Nobody saw my medicines. Yeh, funny, right?

Now I have to motivate myself. I am trying to throw away all toxic thoughts, but… This melancholy does not let me do it.

My family has said every one is depressed. Depression does not exist. Bipolar disorder too. Just I have a great fantasy.

My dear friend, I feel so lonely. I have only myself and my faith… Which is not strong. I am not sure what should I do now. I do not know why I am writing it. I only wanted to say, you are amazing. I want to remind you, do not give up and achieve your dreams.

But today I can not do it… Sorry, my dear friend. It is really hard, but I will try to be normal.

Am I weird? Freak? Every one says so. Just because of my feelings.

You know, no one believes to my feelings.

Sorry for my depression.

Sorry for my feelings, for my freakness, for my words, for myself…

But… My dear friend, do not forget to ask people around you about their feelings. Just do not forget about them. Do not let them be alone. And you, do not be alone.

I am absolutely sure you have many talents and skills. You can use them. You can create, write, sing, draw… You can find yourself and change this world. You can change everything. But start from yourself. From your friends and family. Please, do not forget we are only humans.

With love,

Yours Rya