Are you ready for Easter? I am not too. Do not worry. But today I only want to say thank you. Thank you, my dear friend, for your nice words, hope and motivation. Thank you for being here, for reading this post. Thank you for your faith. For your love. You can not understand how much you mean for me.
But also I wanted to say thank You, God. Thank You for this amazing day, for Your love, Your trust, Your belief in me. People, You have send to me today. Inspiration, you showed to me. This life, you gave to me. Thank You, my Lord. For everything.
I have one story for you. Today was a unique day. Today I have been in the church, today I met person I have not seen for a long time.
First of all, how did I decide to come there? Because only two days ago I have written I do not like churches. But I will say one thing – I came not to the church, I came to people. You will ask what is a different? I will answer – I was not there as a person from church society, I was as a friend, who could talk and share with his/ her thoughts with good friends after the pastor’s words.
I came 30 minutes before. I took my tea, my note book and sat down near the window in the hall. I had some ideas for writing. Have I said to you I am writing a book? Cha, would you buy it? Do not worry, I am joking…
Yes, and them to me came one person, which I could not call as a friend, but also as an unknown. He was one leader from Christian youth group. We have never talked as today. And he allowed me to understand one simple thing – I have to work for my goals. Yes, sometimes we are thinking it should be easier, why is it so difficult? But do not cry, do not complain. Work. And basta.
That guy gave me many examples and motivation and I was thankful for that dialogue, because now my goals have a hard time…
But it is not all. I want to share with some pastor’s thoughts:
Happy people are not realistic. God too. And also Jesus.
We do not have to find bad things. Look at the good for being happy. Throw away toxic thoughts. Analyze, separate and do not let them to come back.
Have for yourself at least 5 minutes in silence. Without music, people and toxic thoughts. And if they come to your mind, do not be angry. It is normal. We are just humans.
Realize why you have that toxic thoughts. Maybe because of your ” friend” who says to you, you can not do it, do not try, you are not enough smart… Or because of your own self-doubt. If it is so, maybe you did one mistake – you made it on the things you do the best. Imagine, you are very good in a graphic design and all your self-confidence was created on it. And one day you decide to change something. You start a new job or find a new hobby, and in the beginning you are not so good anymore as you were in a graphic design. You do mistakes and your self-confidence is going down.
The pastor has said, if you want to create a self-confidence, create by God. God will support you…
I know, sound weird. Even from myself… 2 years I am trying to do it… And I am still on the way… Just maybe I need to take more time then other?..
But after I have had an amazing dialogue with my old friend… We met in the church and went to one coffee… We were sitting there 6 hours and just talking about music. Can you imagine, I know him a few years, but we have never talked about music and today I understood we are so similar. I want to share with some words from our dialogue:
A Christianity does not limit you. You can listen music what you want. For God it does not important. It is important only for our church society what is not important for you. ( We both are a hard metal and rock lovers, so, sometimes this music opposes to Christianity.)
If you do not like drama, let’s come back to the classic. Did you watch The Watchmen?
If you want to read people, look how they behave with their friends.
I took this book again. I hate marketing. It manipulate me.
So, for today that is all, my dear friend. I hope, I gave you some good ideas or thoughts. Have a good night.
I am so glad you are still here. And today I will write to you about my faith.
In general I am trying to avoid talking about religion. It is hard topic, even if we have different cultures. But as it already has been written, mine is not yours.
Let me confess, officially I am a christian orthodox. But, to be honest, till 18 I have never thought about my faith. About religions as different cultures, philosophy, yes, but I could not imagine that one day I will take the Bible into my own hands.
One my friend has very big faith and she suggested to come to one youth protestants group with her. I said why not. I like science and for me it was an opportunity to get more knowledge in this subject.
But about it later… After 2 years of many questions, trying to understand, to believe, to love God, I could say I do not believe more than before.
Now I will explain, why.
First of all, church. People there are zombienised. ( I am not sure if I can use this word. Does it exist in English in general?) A pastor there has said if you do not believe to God your life means nothing. Everything is simple, right? And people believe to this shit. A few hundred people are sitting there and listening his words. Without trying to ask, to think. If in the Bible is written so, I will do it, – has said one guy.
Okay, I understand, everyone can this as he wants. I just was shocked how easy they believe. I do not know, maybe it is not bad. Even when for me it is so hard. After two years I can say, I hate churches. I have changed many of them. In one to me was told, you have to baptize in our church if you want to be part of it. And it does not matter if I already was baptized.
Secondly, the Bible. Maybe all Christians now will hate me, but ( but they can not as it is written in the Bible) I can not believe to that myths. Yes, maybe a person as Jesus has existed, but have you ever read the Old Testament? No, really, how people can believe to that stories? For me the Bible is like a faith for people, who lived before us. Because they had to have a faith to better life. To life after death. To someone, who will save them.
But I am not theologian. Enough about the Bible. And please, understand me clearly. I am not against Christianity. I envy people, who can believe. I am a person, who is thinking to much and sometimes it works against me.
But that is not all. Now, let’s talk about God. Do you believe, it is old man sitting on the clouds? Really?
Okay, Christians do not say so, but from childhood to us, or at least, to me, people around have said so. You have to be afraid of Him. Do not lie, do not kill, do not steal and bla bla bla… But I have never believed to Him.
So, God. One day he decided to create something. It is like a time does not exist for Him and here is not beginning. But he just made cosmos, galaxies, planets and parallels worlds. Yes, in the Bible is not written so, but how he could create Earth without cosmos? And look at this, from the beginning, which, if to look from God’s side, a time does not exist, he made death… Remember the Bible, it was our choice to be mortal. But stars do not exist forever, also planets, because of the big star called Sun. Our planet will be burned one day… But nowadays it does not make sense… So, my dear friend, forget this shit.
Okay, I am not good in astronomy, but, what I have meant, death was created before the choice of Adam and Ieva.
Yes, God created us, gave to us the choice and has a plan to every one of us. He planned World Wars, suicides, bullying, countled wars declared in His name?… Yes, He gave to us a choice, but he created us. And as a father did He take a responsibility? Okay, fine, forget my growing ego. How can I judge Him? But remember random murders, racism… Fine, you got me… It is our choice… But where is God? He has to be near, but… Nowadays he is silent…
Or God from the Bible was created just for manage control?
Sorry, my friend, but to my mind, it is so.
My faith is not yours… I even could not say, I believe now. But I am trying. I do not believe to the church, to the Bible, to Your God… But I believe to my God. My God is science. Only science, about what we know nothing. Do you remember? Before one hundred years we did not know what is a computer. And now everyone has it at home. Funny, right?
My God is waiting for me. And I will find Him. My God is my future. And I hope he will help to me to help to others. Not to sit in the church and listen how we should live.
My dear friend, sorry, if now you do not think good about me. I am only human as you. I can be right, I can be wrong. Do not be angry.