Tag Archives: feelings

Apathy

Hello, my dear friend,

Today is 30th of April. I am sitting in airport and waiting for my flight. Today I come back to Italy. May someone would be happy… But I feel only apathy. Yes, I have a bipolar disorder. It is normal. Today I feel nothing. I want to sit, to drink black coffee, to smoke and to do nothing. I should change my mind, but I like it. I like to feel nothing. It does not hurt. I like, when materialism does not matter for me. Life is easier. I like, when people’s words are not important for me. I can live with my own mind. Today I am without feelings. I am crying somewhere in my heart, but even this does not have meaning for me. Yes… Today I am broken.

My dear friend, it is not normal.

But it is normal for me.

My dear friend, I am not sure, why I am writing it here.

I want to remember. Or to forget? I do not know. As I have said, today I want nothing.

I do not want to eat, to sleep, to meet with people. Only to sit and to think.

About what am I thinking without feelings? About everything. Because now feelings do not disturb to me.

My dear friend, sorry for this boring post.

I hope, you are doing well.

With love,

Yours Rya

Stop and listen

Hi again, my dear friend,

How are you? How is your job, family, friends?.. When the last time you have asked how is your mother or father feeling? Or how you could help to your friend? Or why your sister or brother is so upset?

When the last time you have asked yourself, are you happy?

When the last time you have cried?

When the last time you have been angry?

When, my lovely friend, the last time you have said to yourself, you are amazing?

Can you remember? No?

Then I will say it to you. Just listen.

Maybe now you are thinking you can not do it. You are depressed or upset. You have problems and do not have a time for the rest.

But close your eyes for five minutes. Imagine yourself. Imagine your smile. Imagine people around you… Who do you see?

Think about happiness. Do not think about problems. Every problem is solved. It is only materialism. After some months you will not remember it.

Think about your goals. What do you want to do today? Tomorrow? Another week? Another month? Are you working for it? Are you trying to change something? Or you only try to solve your problems? Remember. After one problem comes another one… It is life…

But think. Are you still thinking? About what? About people around you? Are you afraid to disappoint them? Do not be… They will support you.

Think. Do you want to change something? Just do it. Now. Today. You do not know, how? Call to your best friend, sister, brother, father or someone else and talk. Talk about your dreams…

Good people will be near. Toxic people throw away from your life.

My dear friend, have you spent that five minutes in silence? Think, how much time you spend for yourself every day? Only you and your mind? How much?

I will share with you with my own story.

It is not long.

I know, some people are afraid to talk about their life experience. I know, how hard it can be. But, it happened.

Maybe you have a good family… Me too… Now…

I will not explain everything from my life. I just will say, that from childhood my step father every day has said to me, everything what I can achieve is to become a stripper. No one has heard it. No one has believed to me. He was talking so only when I was alone. And many years I was growing with this thought… I need to admit, it was painful. I was growing in hatred… But I have too much love… Love for people, nature and all this world… I know, I should hate people, but I can not…

My dear friend, people are amazing. Just not every one can solve his problems… Just not every one is strong… Just not every one can admit his weakness… But you can… Because when you admit it, you become stronger. And you will be… You will achieve everything, what you want.

Just listen… Listen you heart. And be happy.

With love,

Yours Rya

I feel I am changing


Psalms 94:19

In the multitude of my thoughts within me thy comforts delight my soul.

Hi, my dear friend,

I am not sure what happened yesterday. I am happy. I feel how I am changing. I feel my different between that shy girl 5 years ago and myself nowadays.

My dear friend, it took 3 years. But I can feel that love. Love of my Creator. I still do not know who He is. But, I am going in right way, I am sure.

And I want to share with you… With my love, my worldview, my heart. Man, I am crying. I am so happy that I am crying. What is wrong with me?

Here is my faith… I hope to make it stronger and more powerful. I want to make this World better. I got it… Thank you, my lovely friend, for your supporting…

Take a look and have a nice day.

With love,

Yours Rya

Italy, Genoa
Italy, Genoa
Italy, Genoa
Italy, Genoa